January 16, 2004

i just wanna give up right now! sick and tired of everything. tired, or rather scared of waiting. i guess i don't mind waiting for him. but i just don't want time to change anything. if time is gonna change everything, i'd rather we just stay like that. i don't wanna lose him. its like the more i wanna run away, the deeper my feelings for him grow. its freaking the crap outta me. i'm scared. scared of getting hurt. i don't wanna go through that experience again. i hate it! i've been hurt many many times and i don't wanna let it happen again.

maybe i did pressure him yesterday. but i just wanna know where i stand. i don't wanna be hanging there, waiting for something so uncertain. the more i think about it, the more i feel that i don't mean anything to him. after crying my eyes out, plucking up the courage to ask him where i stand, and where this is going, all he could say was that he loves me. i just wanna know how much time he needs. i don't want him to say something he doesn't mean. i dunno. i feel so confused right now.

i wished i never had told him how i feel. maybe then the hurt wouldn't be so bad. never wanted to open myself up to this again. never wanted to trust guys anymore. and look what happened. i should never have let myself fall. i should've just stayed on waiting for her. at least i was happier then. even though i couldn't be with her, we were friends. and i was happy with that. why did i hafta be so stupid and fall for him!!! should've just kept my feelings to myself. i guess the only logical explanation to this is that i'm S.T.U.P.I.D!!

-mel- i hope whatever i said helped and not made everything worse. just know that whatever happens, i'm here

<-je -|- t'aime->

--* imperfect unsatisfaction 20:59 *-- [.//cry out**]









|| The One And Only ||
cheryl
16 going on 17...
july 2nd '87
cancer
-*- emotional -*- compassionate -*- dreamy -*- moody -*- paranoid -*- sensitive -*- depressed easily -*- narcisstic -*- unreasonable -*- annoying -*- loud at times -*- social -*- faithful -*- passionate -*- complicated -*- willing to listen and lend a shoulder -*- loyal -*- temperamental -*- melancholic -*- sympathetic -*- melodramatic -*- loving -*- thinks alot -*- impatient at times -*- unpredictable -*- irrational -*- weak-minded -*- crappy -*- naggy -*- lame -*- believer -*-
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